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Many leaders speak about success and how to get there. Fear, however, is a topic that isn’t discussed nearly enough. If it were discussed more, it would cease to be so crippling in its grip on our mindset and perception.

Fear03

Have you ever noticed that when someone goes through a trauma, one of the best ways for that trauma to lose its powerful grasp on the mind and emotions is for the victim to discuss it and get comfortable with talking about it? This rings true for any fear. Getting comfortable with it, getting closely acquainted with the things you fear – this is one of the most powerful tools you can use to work through your fear and take your power back.

Keep Your “Enemies” Closer

·       If you have a close friend, coach, or therapist you can speak with about your fears, that’s good. However, if you don’t want to necessarily share your fears right away – it can be an intimidating exercise at first – then you may want to consider using a journal to get to know your fears.

·       Journaling is a useful tool in life, whether you’re working through a challenge or just documenting something that happened. You may find that it takes a little time to reach the depths you need to reach to get the full positive effect of journaling, but the more often you write, the easier this exercise becomes.

·     Acknowledging your fear and getting to know it better is like becoming friends with someone you find intimidating. Maybe you don’t know why they strike you as intimidating, but as you get to know this person, you may begin to find that they are – as suspected – just a person.

·   Deciding to master your fears is another important step in the process. Everything begins with a decision and the commitment to follow through. This rings true if you’re quitting smoking or writing a bestseller; it doesn’t matter what you’re going to accomplish as long as you make the decision to go for it and commit to the process.

This brings me to the last point I’d like to make about fear. It’s been said that many people are afraid of success; not consciously, of course, but subconsciously. Part of the reason for that is that most of us have a distinct impression of what it means to “get there.” When things don’t go as planned or new opportunities arise while we’re on our journey, we can get confused or sidetracked.

No matter what your version of success is, remember to enjoy the journey itself and take joy in the process. If new opportunities find you, don’t be afraid to take them on as you have the time to. Although it helps to stay focused mainly on your ultimate path, you may find that working on two or three different paths or projects can keep you from experiencing burnout because you have variety along your journey.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” – Alice Morse Earle

Wednesday, 17 February 2016 15:14

Five Ways to Face Your Fears Constructively

At its core, fear does one single, crippling thing to you if you allow it to: it controls you. Whether you like it or not, whether you admit it or not, fear can take over the power to run your life, making you worry about the past or future while the present passes you by. And yes... at first, your reaction will be to deny that this is your case. Once worrying and anxiety has become a habit, that habit can be difficult to break. But don’t add that to your list of worries – instead, you can form constructive habits to face your fears and live your life in the present.


There are some people who have faced adversity, struggle, and impossible challenges early in life and were essentially forced to face their fears or completely fall apart. You’ve probably heard some of these stories. The story of a young domestic violence survivor, the story of a child born without an arm or a leg, the story of a child born without the ability to hear or speak; all of these people were essentially forced to live their best lives by working with their challenges and setbacks instead of fighting against them.

And therein lies the key to facing your fears constructively: working with them instead of against them.

Everyone is afraid. I don’t care who you are, whether you’re a homeless veteran or the CEO of a multi-million dollar company... everyone is afraid. In brain science, this response is caused by what is referred to as the reptilian brain and is also known as the fight or flight response.

It is caused when our minds perceive something as being scary, dangerous, or unfamiliar.

This can happen in a number of scenarios. You’re the new kid at school, you’re starting your first day of college and don’t understand the industry lingo (yet), you booked your first public speaking gig, you’re being interviewed on video for the first time ever, you’re moving to another country for work, you’re getting married, you’re a concert pianist performing in front of thousands of people.... There are a million different things you could be afraid of in any of these situations, and your mind perceives it as a scenario where you have to fight or flee.

But do you really have to fight or flee?

Five Ways to Face Your Fears

1.      Differentiate between unfounded fears and legitimate fears. The situation may be one in which fear serves you and the fight or flight response is necessary; if you witness a shooting, it’s probably not a good idea to go charging toward it to face your fears. Let’s leave that to the people trained to handle that type of situation.

2.      Feel your fear and acknowledge it. This is an internal practice, but stay with me here. Allowing yourself to feel the fear you’re experiencing and think about it while breathing or meditating will make you feel more comfortable with your fear as you become familiar with it. You will find yourself recognizing that fear is simply an emotion, and you can reframe your own perception to work with this emotion rather than being crippled by it.

3.      Identify exactly what you’re afraid of. Usually, at its core, you will find that it’s fairly simple: a fear of rejection, a fear of failure, or a fear of disappointment. Once you’ve identified the root of your fear, it becomes much easier to work with it and use it to your advantage.

4.      Be honest with yourself. No one has to know except for you; that’s why we call this internal work. It’s your job to be self-aware and mindful of your habits and personality type so you can have the type of personal accountability that a successful, passionate life demands.

5.      Make peace with your fear. You must forgive yourself in advance if you’re going to fail, be rejected, or be disappointed. Perfection is unattainable, and excellence requires failure to learn from. Make the decision to be okay with any outcome you may experience and simply do your best in the situation you find yourself in.

Your future success and prosperity are waiting for you just beyond your fears. Isn’t it time to stop worrying and start living your life to its fullest? Remember that the only one who can ultimately control you is you.

Thursday, 11 February 2016 20:19

What is Fear? Five Tricks to Calm Your Nerves

We've all felt it: butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, shallow breathing, and in some cases even nausea or fainting. It goes by many names, depending on its severity. Anxiety, worry, nervousness, stage fright... it's fear. But what is fear? And why do some people find themselves paralyzed while others grab it by the horns and run with it? Finally, do we have control over it or is it completely involuntary?

Thursday, 12 February 2015 00:00

Build Resiliency for a Better Life


As the New Year hits, most of us turn to recapping the year behind us, then setting goals for the year to come. Goals are fantastic as they help us set a direction. If you don't know where you are trying to go, how do you ever know if you get there?

When I think about resiliency as a goal, I think of being resilient as building a better foundation, so that we are more able to adapt, flex, and grow through the things life brings our way. Being resilient means demonstrating our ability to effectively and easily navigate our lives.

We have all heard the motto; "It is not what happens to us, but how we respond that matters." I am forever working to increase both my own and my children's level of resiliency. I want us to be prepared for those times when we may be knocked around, or even down. I want us to get back up, dust ourselves off, and have a reserve of energy to make what we want happen.

If you wish to take a look at your level of resiliency (or how well you bounce back), try taking a look at some of these aspects of your life.

  • How healthy are the key relationships in your life?
  • Are you able to nurture a positive view of yourself?
  • Do you accept change as part of living?
  • Do you see crisis as an insurmountable problem (perhaps it is part of our journey)?
  • Do you know your goals and continue to move towards them by taking decisive action?

Try to slow your pace a little. Stop, look, and listen, so that you understand what is really happening vs. what story you have built around the situation. The story is not tangible but will drive our emotions and therefore our actions. Be deliberate in the things you focus on.

Resiliency is a great goal. With a little focus, you can build it and be a better person for having it.

All the best!

Find out more about Jenna here.

 


Are you ready to boost your career...and earnings? 

Learn how the Power of Neuroscience can help.








© 2015 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.



Thursday, 16 October 2014 16:24

3 Secrets to Unlocking Your Inspiration



All of us have had those moments where our level of inspiration or momentum towards something is diminished or completely missing. 
Those moments where we may be over stressed, over worked, over stimulated and our momentum feels like it’s running on autopilot, going through the motions to get the day, the month, the year over with.  

It is an uncomfortable feeling and one that comes with this constant niggling at the back of your head creating anxiety, discomfort, aggression ...or complete apathy.  Some of us can shut it off. Some of us can ignore it completely.  And some of us must create movement to feel better.

There are ways we dilute this discomfort perhaps with something that distracts us momentarily like exercise, sex, drugs, food, shopping, or alcohol.  The unfortunate part of this tactic is the release is short lived and we may feel worse off in the long run.

When we are feeling stuck in this loop what are we to do, wish the time away? 

Perhaps.  However until we are willing to take a long hard look at what is happening within and around us, we will continue to feel cut off at the knees. 

There are a multitude of actions we can take to help us create momentum. This may sound great, but when you are in an apathetic place may be very hard to implement. 

Take it slowly.  Stop berating yourself for what you are not. 

What we feed gets bigger, so pay attention to your thoughts and where you are putting your energy.  If you can’t find it within yourself to create inspiration, find someone or something outside of you to spark that flame. 

Here are 3 tips to help:

  • Start a new conversation with someone to bring out your creativity and awareness. 
  • Pick up a book that interests you and spend some time reading it. 
  • Watch some interesting videos on a subject that inspires you.

Inspiration usually comes in the disguise of everyday occurrences.  So stop, look, and listen to what’s around you.  Spend your time, energy, and resources on the things you want instead of reaffirming what you are not.  You may be surprised what you find when you look up and open your eyes.  


Find out more about Jenna here.


 


Are you ready to boost your career...and earnings? Learn how the Power of Neuroscience can help.







© 2014 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.



This episode of the Coaching Crucible training is about employing a powerful "Product Pyramid" to help you grow your business. This information is critical, no matter what market you might be in. This hour long training is bursting with helpful information which can help you build a solid foundation for your business. I hope it serves you well!

Warmly,

Drayton

You can find out more about me here.

Here's the link to the complimentary video training on our special YouTube Channel:  


*Due to the amazing demand for the complimentary public service training we do each month, we have created a YouTube Channel where you can access all of the previous training webinars dating back to 2012. These are all complimentary. Please subscribe to our channel so that you will be notified automatically when we post new videos. Enjoy!

You can register for future Coaching Crucible webinars here.

*************************************************************************

Please join Gary Henson and me as we take on the biggest issues in the coaching industry. This is a free public service program we offer each month. It is lively, provocative, and packed with helpful information!



Wednesday, 20 August 2014 15:55

The Art and Beauty of Perseverance



per·se·ver·ance
noun

Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.


You must persevere! This is what I and many others are told when we hit rough times in life and in business. This is easily said by many, well executed by few.

 

Perseverance means different things to different people depending on upbringing, generational differences, overall outlook on life, etc., etc. While I believe it to be true that we should stand tall in the face of obstacles in our path to freedom, success and happiness, I also believe we must utilize a higher-level perspective of these issues. We need to employ own inner wisdom (which we frequently ignore), along with a trusted outside source, and attempt to get some distance from the issue or problem so as to decide if it is worth persevering for. As my friend Robin Rose often asks her audiences “What do you really want?”

 

I got the opportunity to learn this lesson in my own life and business. I will be eternally grateful that I did not get the very thing I was spending the energy to persevere through a few years ago, when I was in a different industry in a horrible economy. At some point I knew it was time to end the pointless perseverance and focus on getting through the upcoming changes that needed to happen so I could focus on building the life and business of my dreams.  It was not easy. I was warned by some that I should stick in out. Listening to my inner voice (and some excellent coaching around what I really wanted out of this short life)made the decision easy.

 

Then came the hard part. The fear. The concerns about stopping what I was doing. Taking the risk to do what I wanted to do. All the emotional, mental, and physically draining things I had to do to prepare and move ahead, were beyond overwhelming. There were many things to test my perseverance - family issues, partnership issues, and money issues, to name a few. Then there was the unexpected loss of support from some friends, whom I thought were true friends. In reality, they were only my friends when it benefitted them. Once that benefit went away with the changes I was making they no longer needed me. I am not going to lie, that one hurt.

 

If you are not happy. If you are searching for something. If you need to change your life and/or business. If you desire to reinvent yourself, I say DO IT!

Below are a few tips to get you started.

 

  • Be thoughtful about your process. It does no good to constantly make changes for the sake of change.
  • Create a plan. Make sure it is what you want and then begin executing that plan. This step alone may take months or even years. Don’t be intimidated, just begin and commit.
  • Hire a gifted coach as your trusted advisor. It is important to have someone who hears you, challenges you, and holds you accountable to your plans. (Make sure your coach has a coach!)
  • Spend time alone each day in quietude. Envision what your life will look like when you fully implement the changes for which you have persevered. Statistics have shown the most successful executives spend 20% of their week envisioning the next level for their organizations.

 

This is a subject that needs much more discussion based on where you are and what you want from your life. It is meant as a discussion starter so please share your thoughts, and stories about your own times of perseverance. It could be invaluable to someone who is unsure of what to do next.

 

If you are persevering just for the sake of it,  the time is at hand to decide on the changes that will bring the outcomes for you to live the happiest, most productive life you can. You will still have ample opportunities to use your perseverance skills. Only this time, those hard-earned skills can be in alignment with what you truly want. To quote Stephen Covey: “Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.” 



Find out more about Scott here.


 




This program will help you become an even more valuable performer!

     
Coaching In The Workplace



© 2014 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

 

Monday, 11 August 2014 13:28

Why Aren't You Listening to ME?


A theme has popped with my clients this week and it is all about communication. 

As human beings we find ourselves in constant relationship with others.  Many times those relationships are thriving and sometimes they are clearly not. 

When you bring this dynamic into the workplace, or our homes, we find ourselves in constant tension between two ends of the spectrum. We don’t communicate well at all or we have a wonderful level of communication.  No matter where you find yourself on this spectrum a few things are important to remember.

  • We all hear things differently.
  • We all see, hear, and feel things through our own lens of perceptions.
  • We all want to be seen and heard.

So many times we try to communicate solely to get our point across. On the surface this seems reasonable but in reality this is the root cause of much misunderstanding. 

If we spend our time communicating to another based on how we like to communicate, we are missing the boat.  We may be talking but who’s to say the other individual or group can hear us at all?  We keep talking around the subject trying to get our point across... with no success. 

The issue with this type of communication is that it is all about us!  WE are so focused on what WE want to say, WE forget that there’s more than one person involved. 

Instead, work on considering who you are speaking to and how they will hear what you have to say. Think: How do they like information presented? 

  • Are they facts and figures individuals who would prefer to have information presented to them on paper, maybe in a graph? 
  • Do they respond to brainstorming with you and talking things through? 
  • Do they want to make decisions quickly and take some form of action without much chit chat?
  • Do they like to have time and space to consider all of the alternatives after the conversation has occurred?

Everyone will be different. Pay attention and observe how your audience, big or small, naturally enjoys communicating. Follow their lead. You will see, feel, and hear amazing shifts, and ultimately… communication success.

 

To your continued success!

Find out more about Jenna here.

 


Are you ready to boost your career...and earnings? Coaching skills are the answer! Gain these skills with this program:

Coaching In The Workplace





© 2014 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

This episode of the Coaching Crucible training is about employing sound business fundamentals to grow your business, no matter what market you might be in. Gary Henson, from BusinessCoach.com, and I presented a version of this to thousands of professionals at the World Business and Executive Coach Summit earlier this summer. I hope it serves you well!

Warmly,

Drayton

You can find out more about me here.

Here's the link to the complimentary video training on our special YouTube Channel:  


*Due to the amazing demand for the complimentary public service training we do each month, we have created a YouTube Channel where you can access all of the previous training webinars dating back to 2012. These are all complimentary. Please subscribe to our channel so that you will be notified automatically when we post new videos. Enjoy!

You can register for future Coaching Crucible webinars here.

*************************************************************************

Please join Gary Henson and me as we take on the biggest issues in the coaching industry. This is a free public service program we offer each month. It is lively, provocative, and packed with helpful information!



Thursday, 17 July 2014 16:48

Five Generations of Challenges


Are you aware that there are now 5 generations in the workforce? Do you know how this impacts your business? 

Never in history has there been a more complicated time for business leaders to deal with the most expensive and important asset in business, human capital. The instant information age has not provided a tidal wave of solutions to problems in the workforce and has sometimes created false beliefs about people, expectations and experience.

Facts:

  • Never in History has there been 5 generations in the workforce at the same time!
  • Never in history has there been a more influential generation then the Millennials or if you prefer, Generation Y.
  • Never in history has there been so much danger in losing institutional knowledge in organizations as generations retire and others advance.
  • Never in history has there been a better time to connect with, and create success from so many different viewpoints on life and business. We need only listen…

We are living in a very dynamic age. Instant information, instant gratification, and real time details being posted to the world in life and business. This is vastly different from how previous generations were raised. The adjustments the older worker needs to make to the impatience from a younger generation create a turbulent devils punchbowl of misunderstandings, communication barriers, hurt feelings, perceived and sometimes a real lack of respect and disconnect.

For business leaders, human resource people and department managers trying to keep it all together between these different factions is becoming more challenging each day. The hours spent on keeping these generations working as an effective team is becoming so intrusive to the core focus of a business that many of these business leaders are not sure what the main focus of their job really is any more.  This is no longer a distraction it is a very big issue that is here to stay. It is becoming the new normal.

Currently, in late 2014, the Millennial generation is the largest demographic at 27% of the workforce in the United States. This number is expected to be 50% by 2020! This coupled with Baby Boomers retiring at a rapid pace, and advancement expectations of many Millennials that are not realistic in the minds of many business leaders is creating a tidal wave of problems on an epic scale. Not only is this an issue in the U.S. but for every country on the planet. We must acknowledge the fact that our lifestyle is changing, business models are changing and we as leaders must change. We must be able to communicate these changes and what they mean, with respect to each generation and its contributions to the world.

See the chart below to orient yourself to the ages of each generation. This is a general guideline and many studies show a slightly different span of years to depict the different generations.

  

 

Silent Generation

Baby Boomers

Generation X

Generation Y

Generation Z

Birth Year

1922-1945

1946-1964

1965-1978

1979-2000

2001-

Age in 2014

92-69

68-51

49-36

35-14

13-

 

Coaching conversations, coupled with a mindful follow up process, are the best steps toward building bridges between generations. Ignoring these issues is the best way to burn those bridges which will cost your business dearly.


Find out more about Scott here.

 




This program will help you become an even more valuable performer!

     
Coaching In The Workplace



© 2014 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

 

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