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Tuesday, 13 February 2018 04:44

Mindfully Nourishing Your Physical Body

One aspect of feeling amazing is taking good care of your physical body. This sounds self-explanatory enough, but it can be a challenge for many people, especially if you are sensitive or empathic to the energies around you. Sometimes this sensitivity can create a barrier in the form of all sorts of things: weight gain, self-sabotage, procrastination, avoidance, overworking, a lack of balance, addiction, and so on. This is essentially our physical body’s response to us needing protection from something or another in our reality, but it typically doesn’t help. Rather than allowing your body’s long-term responses and coping mechanisms to run on autopilot, keeping yourself nourished and healthy is an excellent way of maintaining balance and control over your energy levels, your focus, and your level of clarity. The way you care for yourself will vary for everyone, but there are some basic ideas that may serve you well across the board, so please join me as we further explore this topic of nourishing your physical body.

 

Your physical health has a direct effect on your emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing, whether you believe it does or not. However, it becomes easier and easier to notice that this is the case the healthier you get, so eating healthy, fresh, whole foods and getting at least 20-30 minutes of exercise a day can have an incredible impact on your ability to focus, not to mention on your body’s ability to function properly. When I talk about your body functioning properly, this includes the emotional aspects of your being. Your emotions are your body’s way of pointing you in the right direction, an indication system, and they tie directly into your intuition. Of course these systems are developed over time through subconscious conditioning, whether that be you conditioning yourself or other people around you conditioning you without even realizing it. This is why it seems so elusive—these are intangible ideas that not everyone is or becomes familiar with until young adulthood or later, and the revelations themselves can be life-altering. I personally have likened it to stepping into another dimension; these so-called dimensions are not physical experiences, although there can be physical symptoms. More often, they are strictly internal, emotional experiences and a breakthrough happens that rattles your perception of reality. The physical manifestation shows up later, as an echo of your inner work.

The more healthy and nurtured you are on all levels, the less likely life changes and circumstantial challenges are to throw you into a downward spiral, and once that kind of thinking takes hold and gathers momentum, it becomes more and more difficult to break free from. This is why mindfulness is so important for your health; being self-aware in the moment, being able to catch yourself when you’re in the midst of it and acknowledge how you feel, offers you the unique opportunity for growth and releasing things that no longer serve you. To be perfectly honest, physical exercise is a great starting point because it provides a number of benefits without you necessarily having to think too much about it, especially if inner work still feels daunting to you, which can happen if you’ve never gone within before.

 

So, what are some ways in which you can make sure that your physical body is nurtured and valued the way your divine vessel deserves to be? Here are a few things to try as well as to keep in mind as you work toward the best version of yourself that you can be.

 

  1. Try different types of foods and pay attention to how they make your body feel. Does the meal make you feel sluggish? Tired? Like you want to go into a food coma? Or does it make you feel energized? Alive? Happy? The types of food don’t really matter much, although the majority of people will do much better without fast food and TV dinners. Because all bodies are a little different, you can customize what you eat to fit exactly what you need for your best overall health.

 

  1. Make small, daily changes. Any time you’re changing your diet or daily routine, it can be extremely overwhelming to change a bunch of things at once, so try one thing at a time, and if you enjoy it and it works, then you can choose to incorporate that into your daily routine. If you don’t enjoy it, you can explore other options. While some people might enjoy walking or yoga, others may enjoy swimming or lifting weights better. This has to be at your discretion because you’re the only person who can determine which activity you enjoy most and are most likely to continue in whatever circumstances you may find yourself.

 

  1. Don’t use your circumstances as an excuse. No matter what type of situation you find yourself in, self-care must take priority, and sometimes this may require you to get a little creative. If there’s only one option for exercise, for example, it is still your decision whether to do it or not. If you don’t, that isn’t life’s decision… that choice belongs to you, and only you. If there are limited options as far as healthy food is concerned, then you can choose to work with it or not. Either way, your physical body will be a direct manifestation and reflection of your choices, and this is true whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not.

 

  1.  Add a little variety! If you find yourself getting bored or frustrated with your current daily routine, replace one thing you don’t enjoy with something that you do. This could be related to exercise, meditation, food, the way you prepare food, where you work out, or just doing something once a week to add variety such as going on a hike. No matter the case, making one small change is always doable and much less daunting than trying to rearrange your entire lifestyle all at once. There is a process to it, and how else can you know exactly what’s working for your benefit and what isn’t? Variety is also good for some people but not structured enough for others; it’s important to stay aware of what your body is communicating with you.

 

  1. Maintain your mindfulness practice and your ability to be aware in the moment. This can be done fairly easily by meditating, and meditation can be the gateway to becoming aware in each moment and being present in the now. Of course you can always choose not to meditate but rather to simply be more aware, but meditation makes this practice much easier and more natural to fall into, not to mention that it strengthens your ability to be mindful and present no matter what. For many people, meditating for 10-20 minutes a day can mean the difference between wellbeing and misery, so I highly recommend that you try it for a week and see how you like it. The beauty of it is that it isn’t difficult and there is no right or wrong way to meditate; you can do this in whatever way suits you and your lifestyle best, and make changes as needed depending on what works specifically and uniquely for you.

 

  1. Get plenty of rest when you need it. If you find yourself feeling sluggish, drained, stressed, tired, or unable to focus, forcing or struggling your way through things isn’t going to do much good. You may be able to finish whatever it is you’re obligated to finish, but your level of clarity will be significantly lower and you are likely to find that your work suffers for it. Your sleep patterns and sleep schedules are important, and your body and mind absolutely need to be able to recharge on a regular basis. If you find yourself feeling burnt out on your task, you can choose to either change pace for a little while and do something different (if you were doing something that requires a lot of mental focus and clarity, then it might be time to switch to something physical for an hour or so before getting back to your previous task), or you can choose to take a short nap. Naps are not just for babies and toddlers; as a matter of fact, naps and shorter sleep cycles are actually more beneficial for some people than a solid eight hours of sleep, so pay attention to how you feel throughout the day and discern whether a nap might be the right course of action. Set an alarm, and get back to work after you’ve gotten a little much-needed rest.

 

You can probably tell that this is all based on paying attention and doing the inner work you need to do in order to thrive and be healthy on all levels. The most important thing to remember is that there are no right or wrong answers… only the solutions that best fit you and your unique body, personality, lifestyle, and emotional state. It is true that if you’ve never attempted anything like this—changing your life—that you may get a little bit of a rocky start, and this becomes especially true if you’re battling any kind of addiction or subconsciously conditioned emotional ailment such as CPTSD from narcissistic abuse, depression, anxiety, and so on. If this sounds like you, then you may feel like you’re forcing yourself at first, but remember that it will be worth it in the long run, and all that protesting is coming from your ego or false self. If you make the choice to ignore that part, you may find yourself becoming more and more of who you truly are, and you may even find that it begins to feel effortless after a very short while.

 

Lastly, if you’re making changes such as these and slip from time to time, don’t get stuck or trapped in a state of beating yourself up or talking down to yourself. This only increases the ego’s, “Haha, I told you so!” attitude and discourages you from continuing to move forward. However, if you don’t make it as big a deal as the ego thinks and you don’t allow self-deprecating thoughts to seep into your mind and emotional system, then you will be much more likely to try again and keep going. You may feel like you’re taking one step forward and two steps back at times, but what about those other times when you take a leap forward and only stumble back a step or two as you land? You should give yourself much more credit for those times and pay less attention to the overall crookedness or indirectness of your life’s journey.

 

I hope that this article has helped to shed some light on just how important it is to take care of your physical vessel, and that you’ll join us again next week for more on nurturing yourself on all levels for optimal health.

 

 

For more information about the Mindfulness Movement or the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:

http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement

 

Let’s face it… sometimes we have to let go of certain relationships in our lives to make room for other relationships to blossom. This could happen for any number of reasons, and we each respond differently to relationships ending depending on the situation, the other person or people involved, and our general attitude or outlook about the situation and how we feel. Sometimes our reactions or emotional responses to the situation stem from clinging to the relationship even though we have outgrown it or it has become unhealthy or even toxic. This is where letting go comes in. Read on to learn more about mindfully letting go of relationships that no longer serve you.

 

By allowing for the separation despite it being potentially painful, sad, or full of escalating tempers, you take the momentum away from the negative emotions—if there are any—surrounding the situation and the person. If there aren’t any negative emotions surrounding the situation, for example if your relationship naturally grows apart, then there will be very little resistance to the end of what little remains. However, when you find yourself responding with resistance to the situation, it can often inadvertently make things worse.

 

Let me elaborate a little bit on this. Carl Jung said, “What you resist persists,” because of emotional resistance to a situation. This resistance can sometimes manifest as sadness and depression, but other times it can look like tempers flaring and an escalating situation where each side feels like it needs to fight for what’s right or get revenge rather than letting it be and moving on peacefully. This can cause a great deal of drama and additional pain, and sometimes make things worse between the people involved due to words and actions borne out of anger and pain.

 

To avoid this excessive amount of negative emotional energy and allow yourself to become peaceful about the situation, it helps to have a few different realizations along the way. These realizations are sometimes shocking when they really hit you, but they are also comforting in the face of dissolving closeness in a relationship.

 

Five Revelations to Help You Let Go

 

It is only after coming to understand certain things about ourselves versus other people that we can truly see that our purpose lies well beyond just staying in one place with one set of people our whole lives. Sometimes this means that we have to go through the discomfort of ending relationships for one reason or another, be it amicable or messy. Of course, amicable is always the goal, but it is nearly impossible to get to a place of amicable separation with toxic individuals, so you may need to settle for not having a resolution and allowing these individuals to keep their delusions and just care for them from afar, keeping yourself emotionally at a distance.

 

That being said, as mindful leaders, it is our job to rise above the chaos and respond in a way that is both loving and firm. If you are cutting ties with individuals who do not practice mindfulness, deep personal accountability, or setting healthy boundaries, then they will simply not understand what they are doing. As painful as this is to realize – and as much as it makes you almost want to look down on them for their ignorance – it simply is what it is, and the only one who can change how you feel about it is you. This ego flare up will pass as your journey continues, so don’t be alarmed if you experience a period of overt confidence and slight judgment. You’ll adjust as you settle into your higher level of consciousness and understanding.

 

Here are five revelations to help you get there.

 

1. Think of it this way… while you have been working on yourself, honing your skills, and practicing mindfulness and meditation to better yourself as a human being, they have remained stuck, running around a hamster wheel without a destination or a purpose, just running for seemingly no reason. Your perspective is much different from theirs, so don’t assume that they are even capable of seeing things the way that you see them, especially without conscious effort in their daily habits.

 

2. People will come and go throughout your entire life. Whether you remember these relationships fondly or with some discomfort depends a great deal on how the relationship ends or gets reprioritized. Understand that, in order to be true to yourself, you may need to offend a few people whom you have gotten close to after learning what you’ve needed to learn from your journey with them… and vice versa. Sometimes it’s a clean break, and other times it isn’t. However, it’s up to you not to exacerbate the emotions of the situation so that all parties can get out somewhat unscathed. If they choose to say or do things that do exacerbate the situation, don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the drama and revenge trap. It isn’t worth it.

 

3. Setting your priorities to best serve you and your needs is a good thing, even if it temporarily hurts others or makes them angry. If they can’t understand where you’re coming from, then why would you want them in your life in the first place? Their initial reaction may not be how they truly feel in the long run, but it may hurt, so be prepared for that when you tell them what your needs are and that those needs don’t include them.

 

4. If you have to draw a line, draw a line. Sometimes relationships end because someone does something that crosses a line with the other person morally or ethically. If someone has crossed a boundary that they can’t come back from, you may need to firmly stand your ground and make sure that the other party knows that they cannot do this to or around you, ever, and that it won’t fly. If it’s something relatively minor, a second chance may be given, but if it’s something life-altering or that completely changes the way you see them, it might be time to say goodbye, at least for a while.

 

5. You are the only person who will be with you for your entire life. Why is it that we neglect ourselves and our own needs so much? Many of us have been conditioned into catering to the needs of others before our own, as in the case of parents, siblings, bosses, or other authority figures. Our own needs come second which minimizes our self-worth in a very subconscious and insidious way. If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one will.

 

I realize that some of these truths are harsh to face, especially if you have experiences to reference back to that these words may have reminded you of. However, when you are able to develop your sense of inner peace and calm, being mindful during challenging situations will become easier and easier, making it effortless to go with the flow of people and circumstances your life presents you with. Remember that it’s all about the journey, so all you have to do is remain mindful within each moment as much as possible and be true to yourself. Don’t worry about anybody else (unless you have kids, of course, but you know what I mean). All the strength and power and love you could ever imagine lies within you, and you are appreciated.

 

 

For more information about the Mindfulness Movement or the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:

http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement

 

 

Wednesday, 18 October 2017 18:34

5 Habits for Resilience as a Daily Practice

When we reach a certain dimension of consciousness, resilience becomes more attainable than it may have seemed during previously experienced times of chaos. The realization that life will never stop presenting us with challenges, whether the pause in between is a week, a month, or several years, will help you to nurture your desire for being resilient rather than just surviving. While survival was once the most important thing for humans, we have since evolved to a place where surviving shouldn’t have to be our main focus anymore, so why are so many of us stuck in this mindset? The reptile brain – which the ego uses to manipulate us into keeping ourselves trapped under the guise of being “safe” – is the only portion of our brain that is still concerned with survival rather than thriving, and in order to survive, playing it safe is required. However, in order to thrive, we have to be willing to take risks and challenge ourselves into growth and evolution. Cultivating our own sense of resilience is imperative to maintaining this attitude of abundance and thriving.

 

So, what are a few things that you can do on a daily basis that will help you to cultivate a sense of resilience and trust in the process? If you’re finding it challenging to stay in an optimistic state of mind for any reason, keep reading for five ways to cultivate resilience. Much of this is inner work, but you probably already figured that would be coming if you’ve been with us for any length of time.

 

5 Ways to Cultivate Resilience

 

1.      Let go of any fears you may have that don’t involve a threat to your life or the life of a loved one. The majority of our problems these days as human beings in Western society are not life and death problems, so we should all learn to relax a little bit! Remember, the reptile brain is hard at work creating mountains out of molehills and trying to convince us that things are more disastrous than they really are. By letting go of these fears, you are releasing the need for control a little bit, and therefore releasing yourself from being controlled by your fears.

2.      If you catch yourself thinking worrying thoughts, steer your thinking in a new direction. Your thoughts tend to drive your emotions, and your emotional guidance system is set up to let you know when you’re headed in the wrong direction – feelings like worry don’t serve you. In fact, they keep you from reaching your potential and keep you controlled by your fears. Learning to steer your thinking in a more positive direction can absolutely change your life, but it must become a daily practice in the moment. The most practical way to do this isn’t by policing every thought; rather, if you begin feeling a negative or uncomfortable emotion, try thinking about something else that steers you in a more pleasant direction.

3.      When you meditate, you can begin to reprogram your subconscious mind by repeating a mantra to yourself and really focusing on it. For the purpose of cultivating resilience, you may choose the following or come up with one of your own that is appropriate. If you want to repeat something to yourself, please make sure it focuses on the positive and isn’t something about getting out of debt or wanting to see less violence... focus on the positive end of the spectrum because if you’re thinking debt, more debt will come. If you’re thinking violence, more violence will come. Be extremely careful with wording. On that note, here’s a great one for building resilience: “I can handle anything. I trust in my ability to figure things out.” If any part of this suggestion makes you feel anything less than joyful, create one that works better for you to inspire positive feelings and raise your vibrational frequency.

4.      Build trust in yourself! There are multiple ways of doing this and inner work is very important here, but one of the easiest ways to begin building trust is by catching when you’re being critical of yourself and steer your thoughts into a more positive direction. Another way is by being brutally honest with yourself and catching yourself in dishonest thought patterns and stopping them (like when you’re making excuses or blaming someone else for something you know is your responsibility; don’t deny it, we all do this!. This will require you to be 100% personally accountable to yourself as no one else can know what it is you’re thinking. If you’re critical of yourself all the time and working on stopping that, you can also expect a period of time when your ego tries to turn that criticism outward toward everyone else. It will be okay; keep it to yourself as much as you can and steer your thoughts to a more positive topic. Think of this like a layer of your false self getting ready to fall away from your spirit to lighten your load. Healthy thought habits can greatly increase your quality of life, so shedding these various different false aspects of ourselves can mean the difference between a joyful existence and a miserable one.

5.      Loving yourself for who you are and in turn realizing that you deserve the best that life has to offer you is imperative if you want to thrive for a lifetime. You can draw strength and resilience merely from the fact that you know you love yourself, that your inner being has your back, and that life is shifting around to line everything up for you perfectly. To begin loving yourself, a wonderful exercise is to look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say, “I love you,” as well as anything else you feel guided to say that is loving and encouraging. When I do this, I imagine I’m speaking directly to my soul, my inner being. I say, “I love you! Thank you for having my back and helping me to keep my faith strong, especially during hard times. I appreciate you and everything you do, as well as the wonderful creative endeavors we collaborate on. I love you.”

 

Thank you so much for reading! I hope that this article helps you to begin cultivating your resilience. Come back throughout October to read more about resilience and the subset of skills associated with it.

 

 

To learn more about the Mindfulness Movement and the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:

 

http://executivecoachinguniversity.com/mindfulness-movement

 

Whether you’re delivering good news or bad news, you can go about it gracefully or not. This rings true no matter what announcement you have to make to your team or to an individual; as a mindful leader, part of your job is good spoken communication, especially when you have to address many people at the same time or deliver bad news, such as someone being let go. But how can you make sure you’re doing your best to communicate well? Here are a few tips with mindfulness in mind.

 

There’s a lot to be said for nuances such as tactfulness and subtlety. However, these small aspects may not be noticeable without a certain degree of self-awareness and mindfulness already present. Also, some news is sensitive or difficult to divulge, so how do you best handle that as a mindful leader?

 

Being Honest When it’s Difficult

 

Sometimes the news, announcement, or conversation you have to have is not one that you’re looking forward to. Whether this is because of what you have to tell this person or how you have to tell them doesn’t matter; a difficult conversation is a difficult conversation. Use these pointers to maintain your courage and remind yourself of the bigger picture; the greater good.

 

·         Take a deep breath and maintain your calm. Reactions can be unpredictable, and your staying calm will encourage the other person to handle the news gracefully, whatever it is.

·         Be sensitive to this person’s needs. Even if you can’t meet them, you can be understanding of them.

·         Respect their privacy and deliver whatever news you need to in private. Never confront someone in front of their coworkers as this decreases employees’ respect for you and damages their trust in you as well.

·         Be patient. You may be waiting for the right opportunity to tell someone something; that’s okay, but make sure you’re not falling into a habit of procrastination because you’re losing your nerve to tell them the truth.

·         Follow through. Again, don’t fall into the trap of procrastination and make it a habit; the sooner you can deliver the news, the better, and everyone will then be able to move on.

 

If you need to make an uncomfortable announcement to the entire office staff, there are a few things that you should remember as you go about planning your wording.

 

·         Be direct but gentle. A difficult truth is much easier to accept if the person telling you this truth uses some sensitivity and empathy. Be honest and loving at the same time.

·         Keep things as simple as possible, on a need to know basis, so to speak. If people have further questions or need more details, instruct them to email you with questions or speak to you directly.

·         If comfort is needed, don’t forget to provide it. Receiving bad news is much easier if leadership makes it a point to be supportive. This may mean having a therapist on staff for a few months to help people, depending on the situation.

·         Encourage everyone to be supportive of one another and work together during difficult times. This fosters a supportive work environment that will serve everyone well for years to come.

·         Prepare for people to be a little off balance for a while. Depending on the severity of the news and how everything is affected, this may take differing amounts of time.

 

As always, continue leading mindfully!

 

 

For more information on the Mindfulness Movement and the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:

http://www.mindfulnessfederation.org/

Superficial honesty for the sake of impressing people versus deep-seated honesty for the sake of doing the right thing. This is the difference between being blunt or straight forward and being rude. Serving a purpose versus being mean or nasty is another big difference between the two. Once you begin to pick up on these nuances, you will be able to let go of all of those nasty remarks that someone saying them claims are a “blunt” opinion. “I tell it like it is,” they might say. Truly honest and genuine people don’t feel the need to point out their own honesty. Let’s explore genuine honesty a little more by going deeper within.

 

When you speak, you know how you feel about what you’re saying. If you feel like you aren’t being genuine, then you probably aren’t and you should remember to be yourself. Everyone else is taken, after all.

 

This idea of being yourself comes much easier to some people than to others, and to really be good at it, you have to have a fairly high level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence, also known as EQ. In order to get to this level of self-awareness, you must first be at peace with yourself. This basically means that you have to accept yourself for who you are in order to get to a point of loving yourself, and once you get to this mindset, being genuine and honest but kind will come easily to you.

 

How to Cultivate Confidence Through Self-Acceptance

 

1. First, you have to take some time to get to know yourself. What do you believe in? What are you afraid of? For? Against? What are your core values? Get to know yourself by journaling and meditating daily. Learn about yourself without judging. Appreciate the way you look in the mirror.

 

2. As you continue to learn about who you are, take some time to work through the aspects of yourself and your behavior that you have trouble with. What do you beat yourself up for? Why? Is this really a legitimate mistake or are you just beating up on yourself because of conditioning? Evaluate your core values and accept the person you are, even if you feel that you need to improve your habits or lifestyle. Only by accepting yourself for who you are can you truly begin to become the greatest version of yourself.

 

3. Feel the feelings that are brought to the surface and then let them go. This is your emotional system working through various baggage you’ve held on to, and unfortunately this purge is a necessary step toward fully accepting yourself and reaching your inner calm.

 

4. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. You may find that the purging process leaves some aspects of your life in upheaval or chaos; it will be okay. The more comfortable you are with living in the unknown, the more peaceful and perceptive you will be about what you are going to do.

 

5. Settle into your inner calm. It is very likely that you’ve glimpsed this mindset before, where nothing bothers you, problems are effortless to solve, you’re at peace with every outcome, and you begin to understand the interconnectedness of all things and events: the bigger picture.

 

Once you develop your confidence, you will probably notice that life just gets easier. You’re no longer trying to impress others, so your true, genuine opinion comes out effortlessly and always with kindness and constructive comments. You don’t feel the need to tear anyone else down because you realize that everyone serves an equally important purpose no matter what their talents.

 

No one ever said that honesty had to be brutal all the time. It can be kind and compassionate while still delivering an important message, so don’t fall into the trap of thinking that honesty equals being mean.

 

 

As always, continue leading mindfully! To learn more about the Mindfulness Movement and the International Mindfulness Federation, please visit:

 

http://www.mindfulnessfederation.org/

 

 

Being a mindful leader encompasses certain skills that are also required for being a good parent. I wanted to take a moment to discuss this with you today because Mother’s Day is right around the corner, and just as it’s important to respect your leaders and parents, it is also important to show them you appreciate them. Even the best leaders and parents make mistakes... after all, they’re only human. And whether they show it or not, they have moments of self-doubt, anxiety, and fear.

However, for those of us who have learned that failure can be the most valuable teacher available, the fear of failure has been whittled away over time. The same is true for parents; those parents who go into the process of teaching and raising their children filled with a fear of failure often don’t realize that they may actually be hurting their children and ingraining that same fear in them.

That’s not to say that parents and leaders alike don’t have some anxiety, doubt, or worry hiding behind their confident smiles. The trick is to have absolute faith that, even if you fail as a leader or parent, it is not final. Nothing is written in stone, and lessons can be learned from failure that could never be learned without it.

Five Tips for Failing Forward in Parenting and Leadership

1. Focus on the lesson. Whether you stumbled over your words during that important presentation in front of the board or completely overreacted to something your child said or did, it can always be rectified. Maybe not immediately in the moment, although that is a possibility if you think on your feet but in the future. Practice your presentations and get more comfortable with speaking in front of people. Talk to your child and apologize for overreacting; if he or she feels that you are unapproachable or will “freak out” whenever something important is brought up, your child may never open up to you about anything important again.

2. Remember that we’re all human and therefore imperfect. I even want to say we should go as far as embracing those imperfections; what better way to develop genuine confidence? Making peace with your imperfections ensures that they don’t evolve into insecurities. Your children, employees, or those whom you mentor may have put you on a pedestal; however, the sooner they realize that you are, in fact, only human, the sooner it will inspire them to go forth and be their best without feeling pressure to be perfect.

3. Honor and cherish your humility. In other words, don’t be a sore loser... or a sore winner. Your grace in the face of failure speaks volumes about you, as does your grace in the face of success and accomplishment. Bragging obnoxiously or throwing your achievements in someone’s face only serves to make you look bad, and suddenly your bad attitude outshines any significance your success may have had. Why destroy your accomplishments with a bad attitude?

4. Arrogance, ego, and a need for control or power don’t serve anyone in the long run, whether you’re a leader, parent, or mentor. How many times have you ever heard an employee say, “My manager is on a power trip. It’s wonderful!” or an adult child exclaim, “My parents thought they knew everything, but they’ve been wrong more often than not. Of course, they’re still in denial, but it’s the best parenting technique in the world!” It’s so much easier to admit when you’re wrong, ask questions, or apologize for one faux pas than for a lifetime of them.

5. Let go. Allowing your employees, children, and those whom you mentor to make their own mistakes is a priceless teaching tool that will help them much more effectively than taking over when things look difficult or scary. I know this can be especially challenging for parents because your emotional involvement is so deep and you don’t want to see your children get hurt; however, you must remember that they are individuals, too, learning to make their own way in the world.

Children are children for technically 18 years of their lives, but to be generous, let’s say 25. If the average lifespan is 75 years, this accounts for merely 1/3 of their lives... as humans, we spend the majority of our lives being adults. The better we can teach our children from an early age, the more self-sufficient they will be as adults. And yes, of course, they may experience failure, mistakes, heartache, and loss... but a child who has never experienced anything will be ill-equipped to deal with anything as an adult, not to mention dealing with the emotional repercussions of whatever life might want to throw at them.

For those whom you mentor or serve as a leader, the same is true. Exchange the word “child” for “employee” and “parent” for “leader.” The principles are very similar.

This brings me to May’s theme for the Mindful Leader blog: Failing Forward. Stay tuned on Tuesdays this month to read more about failing forward, its value, and how you can incorporate tips, tricks, and tools into your mindful leadership style to make the most of failure and inspire those around you to do the same.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Thursday, 12 February 2015 00:00

Build Resiliency for a Better Life


As the New Year hits, most of us turn to recapping the year behind us, then setting goals for the year to come. Goals are fantastic as they help us set a direction. If you don't know where you are trying to go, how do you ever know if you get there?

When I think about resiliency as a goal, I think of being resilient as building a better foundation, so that we are more able to adapt, flex, and grow through the things life brings our way. Being resilient means demonstrating our ability to effectively and easily navigate our lives.

We have all heard the motto; "It is not what happens to us, but how we respond that matters." I am forever working to increase both my own and my children's level of resiliency. I want us to be prepared for those times when we may be knocked around, or even down. I want us to get back up, dust ourselves off, and have a reserve of energy to make what we want happen.

If you wish to take a look at your level of resiliency (or how well you bounce back), try taking a look at some of these aspects of your life.

  • How healthy are the key relationships in your life?
  • Are you able to nurture a positive view of yourself?
  • Do you accept change as part of living?
  • Do you see crisis as an insurmountable problem (perhaps it is part of our journey)?
  • Do you know your goals and continue to move towards them by taking decisive action?

Try to slow your pace a little. Stop, look, and listen, so that you understand what is really happening vs. what story you have built around the situation. The story is not tangible but will drive our emotions and therefore our actions. Be deliberate in the things you focus on.

Resiliency is a great goal. With a little focus, you can build it and be a better person for having it.

All the best!

Find out more about Jenna here.

 


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Wednesday, 20 August 2014 15:55

The Art and Beauty of Perseverance



per·se·ver·ance
noun

Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.


You must persevere! This is what I and many others are told when we hit rough times in life and in business. This is easily said by many, well executed by few.

 

Perseverance means different things to different people depending on upbringing, generational differences, overall outlook on life, etc., etc. While I believe it to be true that we should stand tall in the face of obstacles in our path to freedom, success and happiness, I also believe we must utilize a higher-level perspective of these issues. We need to employ own inner wisdom (which we frequently ignore), along with a trusted outside source, and attempt to get some distance from the issue or problem so as to decide if it is worth persevering for. As my friend Robin Rose often asks her audiences “What do you really want?”

 

I got the opportunity to learn this lesson in my own life and business. I will be eternally grateful that I did not get the very thing I was spending the energy to persevere through a few years ago, when I was in a different industry in a horrible economy. At some point I knew it was time to end the pointless perseverance and focus on getting through the upcoming changes that needed to happen so I could focus on building the life and business of my dreams.  It was not easy. I was warned by some that I should stick in out. Listening to my inner voice (and some excellent coaching around what I really wanted out of this short life)made the decision easy.

 

Then came the hard part. The fear. The concerns about stopping what I was doing. Taking the risk to do what I wanted to do. All the emotional, mental, and physically draining things I had to do to prepare and move ahead, were beyond overwhelming. There were many things to test my perseverance - family issues, partnership issues, and money issues, to name a few. Then there was the unexpected loss of support from some friends, whom I thought were true friends. In reality, they were only my friends when it benefitted them. Once that benefit went away with the changes I was making they no longer needed me. I am not going to lie, that one hurt.

 

If you are not happy. If you are searching for something. If you need to change your life and/or business. If you desire to reinvent yourself, I say DO IT!

Below are a few tips to get you started.

 

  • Be thoughtful about your process. It does no good to constantly make changes for the sake of change.
  • Create a plan. Make sure it is what you want and then begin executing that plan. This step alone may take months or even years. Don’t be intimidated, just begin and commit.
  • Hire a gifted coach as your trusted advisor. It is important to have someone who hears you, challenges you, and holds you accountable to your plans. (Make sure your coach has a coach!)
  • Spend time alone each day in quietude. Envision what your life will look like when you fully implement the changes for which you have persevered. Statistics have shown the most successful executives spend 20% of their week envisioning the next level for their organizations.

 

This is a subject that needs much more discussion based on where you are and what you want from your life. It is meant as a discussion starter so please share your thoughts, and stories about your own times of perseverance. It could be invaluable to someone who is unsure of what to do next.

 

If you are persevering just for the sake of it,  the time is at hand to decide on the changes that will bring the outcomes for you to live the happiest, most productive life you can. You will still have ample opportunities to use your perseverance skills. Only this time, those hard-earned skills can be in alignment with what you truly want. To quote Stephen Covey: “Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.” 



Find out more about Scott here.


 




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Monday, 11 August 2014 13:28

Why Aren't You Listening to ME?


A theme has popped with my clients this week and it is all about communication. 

As human beings we find ourselves in constant relationship with others.  Many times those relationships are thriving and sometimes they are clearly not. 

When you bring this dynamic into the workplace, or our homes, we find ourselves in constant tension between two ends of the spectrum. We don’t communicate well at all or we have a wonderful level of communication.  No matter where you find yourself on this spectrum a few things are important to remember.

  • We all hear things differently.
  • We all see, hear, and feel things through our own lens of perceptions.
  • We all want to be seen and heard.

So many times we try to communicate solely to get our point across. On the surface this seems reasonable but in reality this is the root cause of much misunderstanding. 

If we spend our time communicating to another based on how we like to communicate, we are missing the boat.  We may be talking but who’s to say the other individual or group can hear us at all?  We keep talking around the subject trying to get our point across... with no success. 

The issue with this type of communication is that it is all about us!  WE are so focused on what WE want to say, WE forget that there’s more than one person involved. 

Instead, work on considering who you are speaking to and how they will hear what you have to say. Think: How do they like information presented? 

  • Are they facts and figures individuals who would prefer to have information presented to them on paper, maybe in a graph? 
  • Do they respond to brainstorming with you and talking things through? 
  • Do they want to make decisions quickly and take some form of action without much chit chat?
  • Do they like to have time and space to consider all of the alternatives after the conversation has occurred?

Everyone will be different. Pay attention and observe how your audience, big or small, naturally enjoys communicating. Follow their lead. You will see, feel, and hear amazing shifts, and ultimately… communication success.

 

To your continued success!

Find out more about Jenna here.

 


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© 2014 and beyond Executive Coaching University. All rights reserved.

This episode of the Coaching Crucible training is about employing sound business fundamentals to grow your business, no matter what market you might be in. Gary Henson, from BusinessCoach.com, and I presented a version of this to thousands of professionals at the World Business and Executive Coach Summit earlier this summer. I hope it serves you well!

Warmly,

Drayton

You can find out more about me here.

Here's the link to the complimentary video training on our special YouTube Channel:  


*Due to the amazing demand for the complimentary public service training we do each month, we have created a YouTube Channel where you can access all of the previous training webinars dating back to 2012. These are all complimentary. Please subscribe to our channel so that you will be notified automatically when we post new videos. Enjoy!

You can register for future Coaching Crucible webinars here.

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Please join Gary Henson and me as we take on the biggest issues in the coaching industry. This is a free public service program we offer each month. It is lively, provocative, and packed with helpful information!



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